Work is a four-letter Word

Throughout my career, I’ve had a number of employers. I’ve only had one wife.

My wife and I have known each other for roughly 24 years. And, like most long-term relationships, ours doesn’t look exactly like it did when we first met.

Early on, there was courtship. Dinners. Attention. Trying to impress one another. Trying to win one another over. There were grand gestures because, at that stage of the relationship, neither of us could take the other’s interest for granted.

Then something interesting happened. We got married.

The commitment became stronger, but the way we demonstrated that commitment changed. If I spent every day of the past two decades trying to woo my wife exactly as I did when we were dating, it wouldn’t just be expensive. It would be exhausting, probably a little strange, and ultimately unsustainable.

That doesn’t mean I stopped loving her. It means the relationship evolved.

There’s a wonderful illustration of this in Fiddler on the Roof. Tevye asks Golde whether she loves him, and the question almost seems absurd to her. After decades together, she essentially answers by pointing to the life they have built together. The expression of love has changed from courtship to something deeper, more familiar and more embedded in everyday life.

Long-term relationships do that.

And employment relationships do, too.

We Are Really Good at Courtship

Think about how much attention organizations lavish on someone they are trying to hire.

Recruiters call. Executives make time for interviews. Candidates are told how impressive their backgrounds are and how much the organization needs someone exactly like them.

Then comes the offer.

Salary is negotiated. Maybe there is a sign-on bonus. Perhaps additional vacation, equity or some other concession enters the discussion.

There is excitement on both sides.

Then the employee starts on Monday.

Thanks for joining us.

Now get to work.

The irony is that one of the moments when an employee has the greatest leverage over compensation is immediately before becoming an employee. Organizations will sometimes spend more to recruit someone from the outside than they would have needed to spend to retain the person who just left.

Organizations will sometimes spend more to recruit someone from the outside than they would have needed to spend to retain the person who just left.

That should tell us something.

We understand the economics of attraction remarkably well. ,We are sometimes much less sophisticated about the economics — and behavior — of retention.

Attraction Tools Aren’t Always Retention Tools

This is where Total Rewards needs to be more thoughtful.

Organizations often attempt to address an enormous range of employee needs using essentially two tools: base salary and bonus. Maybe we throw promotion into the toolbox as well.

But trying to manage an entire employment relationship with two or three reward mechanisms is a little like trying to build a house with a hammer and a screwdriver.

They are excellent tools. They simply aren’t the only tools required to build the house.

Base salary has a purpose.

Short-term incentives have a purpose.

Long-term incentives have a purpose.

Recognition has a purpose.

Career development has a purpose.

Benefits, wellbeing programs, flexibility, learning opportunities and internal mobility all have purposes. And communication has a purpose.

What attracted someone to an organization isn’t necessarily what will keep that person there.

The challenge isn’t to give employees more of everything. It is to use the right tool, the right way, for the right reason.

A permanent base-pay increase, for example, may be a terrible tool for solving a temporary retention problem. Giving someone an elevated title may temporarily make that person feel valued, but indiscriminate promotions eventually create title inflation, organizational confusion, and employees whose titles may no longer correspond to their actual scope or capabilities.

Sometimes the right answer is money.

Sometimes it is opportunity.

Sometimes it is recognition.

Sometimes it is flexibility.

Sometimes it is simply knowing that somebody noticed.

Total Rewards works best when it operates as a portfolio rather than a collection of isolated programs.

The Relationship Has to Keep Moving

My wife doesn’t expect another engagement ring every anniversary. But she does expect something from our relationship. So do I.

Long-term relationships develop expectations — often very small ones.

Attention.

Presence.

Communication.

Reliability

Appreciation.

The freedom to become more fully yourself around someone because there is enough history and trust between you that every imperfect interaction isn’t interpreted as a referendum on the relationship.

Employment relationships develop expectations, too. Employees don’t necessarily expect a promotion every year. They don’t necessarily expect an enormous raise every twelve months. They don’t need balloons and confetti every time they finish a project.

But they do expect some evidence that the relationship is still moving.

Maybe that’s recognition.

Maybe it’s development.

Maybe it’s a new assignment.

Maybe it’s increased responsibility.

Maybe it’s greater flexibility.

Maybe it’s a candid conversation about their future.

And sometimes it is compensation.

The particular reinforcement can change because the relationship itself changes. What worked during courtship doesn’t necessarily work ten years later. What attracted someone to an organization isn’t necessarily what will keep that person there.

Silence Is a Signal, Too

There’s another part of long-term relationships that organizations sometimes underestimate: Communication.

If I suddenly stopped talking to my wife, stopped answering her questions and stopped responding to things that mattered to her, I couldn’t simply defend myself by saying:

“But you know I love you.”

At some point, my behavior would begin communicating something louder than my intentions. Organizations do this all the time.

Leadership hasn’t decided what to do about merit increases, so nobody says anything.

Bonus funding is uncertain, so communication gets delayed.

Employees ask about career opportunities, compensation or organizational changes, and the answer is effectively silence because the company hasn’t figured everything out yet. But employees don’t experience that as an unfinished spreadsheet in Finance or an unresolved discussion among executives.

They experience the silence. And then they interpret it.

That is why one of my core Total Rewards principles is: Uncommunicated value has no value.

An organization may have excellent programs, competitive compensation and thoughtful leaders. But if employees don’t understand those things — or don’t see how those things relate to them — much of that value disappears.

Communication isn’t the decoration around Total Rewards. It is one of the mechanisms through which rewards create behavior.

What Have You Done for Me Lately?

There’s a slightly uncomfortable truth in all of this.

Relationships have memory, but they also have recency. Twenty years of commitment matters enormously. But it doesn’t provide unlimited permission to stop investing in the relationship today.

Employment relationships aren’t much different. An employee can appreciate everything an organization has done for them and still ask:

• What is happening now?

• Where am I going?

• Do you still see me?

• Do you still value what I contribute?

• Is there something here for me tomorrow that wasn’t here yesterday?

And if another organization begins answering those questions more convincingly, attention can shift surprisingly quickly.

You can often see it before someone resigns. They become less present. Their energy changes. They stop volunteering. Lunch gets a little longer.

Perhaps they suddenly start dressing a little better.

Maybe they’re burned out.

Maybe they’re disengaged. Or maybe somebody else has started courting them.

Meanwhile, their current employer may be busy courting somebody else’s employee.

There’s an irony there worth noticing.

Continual Reinforcement

The answer isn’t constant courtship. It isn’t more money all the time. It isn’t endless recognition. And it certainly isn’t an engagement ring every anniversary.

It is continual reinforcement that the relationship still matters.

That requires organizations to understand where employees are in the relationship and what type of reinforcement makes sense at that moment.

Attraction, engagement, motivation and retention are related behaviors, but they aren’t identical behaviors.

We shouldn’t assume identical tools will produce them.

That is the behavioral opportunity within Total Rewards.

Instead of asking only, “What programs do we offer?” we should be asking: What behavior are we trying to reinforce, and what is the right tool to reinforce it now?

Sometimes that answer will be pay. Sometimes development. Sometimes recognition. Sometimes mobility. Sometimes benefits or flexibility. And sometimes the most important intervention costs almost nothing: a manager making it unmistakably clear that an employee’s contribution is seen, understood and valued.

Relationships Don’t Run on Autopilot

I’ve worked for a lot more organizations than I’ve had wives. Probably best for everyone involved.

But long-term employment relationships and long-term personal relationships have taught me something similar: Neither survives on the excitement of the beginning.

Long-term commitments evolve. And as they evolve, the ways we reinforce those commitments need to evolve with them.

A thoughtful Total Rewards strategy isn’t about providing more of everything.

It’s about providing the right reinforcement, at the right time, for the right reason — and making sure employees understand its value.

Pay.

Recognition.

Development.

Opportunity.

Flexibility.

Communication.

Each signals commitment differently.

And silence is a signal, too.

Love is a four-letter word. So is work. I’m not suggesting they’re the same thing. But neither relationship succeeds on autopilot.

Both require intentional investment. Both change over time. And both occasionally require us to stop and demonstrate, in a way the other person can actually recognize: This relationship still matters.

Because attraction may win commitment. But reinforcement earns retention.